Just another day in pain management..

Sir we can't see you any longer, you tested positive for cocaine. Cocaine! Well I have never used cocaine in my life. Well sir you tested positive. Somebody must have slipped it in my drink. Really? I have never heard of a crackhead sharing their stash. Sir pretty sure you didn't chew it. You either smoked it, snorted it, or injected it. Well I just don't know. Yay well we do.

Next patient. Maam you tested positive for Marijuana. Well I thought that might have happened. I am sitting with my uncle,who is dying of cancer,he's on Oxygen and his hospice nurse told him to smoke weed for the pain. I must have got it from the second-hand smoke. Did the hospice nurse also say you shouldn't have an open flame around Oxygen due to the risk of fire? Well no she didn't. I guess if you are smoking marijuana you don't care enough to worry about fire.

Now maam I just have to tell you that I smoked Meth this weekend at a party and it will probably show in my urine. Ok sir if you test positive for an illegal substance you will be discharged. Well, but I told you the truth. Only because you knew it would come out. It's like if you kill someone then turn yourself in, you don't get to go free for being honest, but good try.

I need to see the doctor today. Um, we don't take walk-ins. Here's what we need record wise before we except you as a patient. Humpf- you'd think they would at least give you pills to go.

Here are my records. Ok thanks we will review those and let you know whether we can except you as a patient. HE leaves. Referring physician-Dr. Garza OB/GYN. Call to patient. Sir did you say that Dr. Garza was your primary care physician. Yes maam that is right. That's odd, he is an OB doc. Oh really, I will have to get back to you. CLICK. Yay you do that.

More stories to come......